I Need Bad Stuff to Happen to You
We may as well get it out of the way right now: I need bad stuff to happen to you.
Your loss, you see, is my gain.
As I sit with Google Maps this morning plotting out a whirlwind tour across northern Iowa (four cities, thirty hours, 901 miles and a lot of carbonated caffeine in a shiny green can), I chastise myself for the occasional quiet wish that misfortune would occur closer to home.
At least as a staff adjuster for an insurance company, I could root for sales reps to sell a multitude of policies on which folks would never have to make claims. In my perfect world you would purchase your peace of mind, but never have to call on us to deliver on the promise of financial security. Besides widespread destruction, major claims events inflate workloads and erase quarterly bonuses in a blink.
We wished for smooth waters, gentle breezes, and no more than BB sized hail.
But now? As an independent contractor I switch channels between Minnesota Twin baseball and the Weather Channel while an occasional Yessss! slips out when the weather starts getting rough.
I only work when people’s stuff gets ruined, or they crash into each other, or somebody gets hurt.
So really, I need bad stuff to happen.
::
Sometimes I feel a little conflicted about that.
Well, a lot of times I feel a lot conflicted about that.
I desire that hard luck not come your way, while at the same time I harbor a (not so) secret need for a steady stream of mishaps and the occasional catastrophe to earn my keep.
I imagine that folks in other professions face a similar conflict once in a while: doctors, mechanics, firefighters, journalists . . . Prevention, maintenance and feel-good stories only go so far to buy baby’s new shoes. Though I’ll admit, I have a hard time picturing any of them wishing ill on their fellow man like I may at times be tempted to do.
Would a funeral director’s thoughts really wander down that road during a quiet stretch? Really?
As I actively trust God to provide for our needs, and know that at least in part that will come through the hardship of others, sometimes the conflict cuts a little deep. (And no, I did not just blame God for the roof that blew off your neighbor’s house. That’s a seminary question for another day.)
Praying for that provision, some days, feels a little funny inside me.
How do we reconcile those kinds of conflicts between our hearts and hard reality in our work?
Here’s the time-tested answer that has served me throughout my claims career: I have no idea.
I really don’t.
I carry on, conflicted or not.
::
On a good day, I know that what I do is a good thing if you’ve just suffered a loss. I can make certain that the insurance company that hired me knows what sort of compensation you’re entitled to.
Sometimes I can even help you feel like you’re not alone in the middle of your disaster. Somebody besides you knows what happened, and how horrible it was, and how much you lost that you can’t get back, and how bad your back hurts and your leg hurts and all the things you’re not sure you can ever do again.
I don’t always have those good days, but when I’m thinking clearly I tell myself, I didn’t make it happen, but I can sure help a person through it.
And that’s a good thing, right?
I can’t control the weather, or drivers, or icy patches on sidewalks that make people slip and fall. And I promise that when I see hope in straight-line winds or a five-car pile up or frozen tater tots falling from the sky, it’s always tempered with the prayer that no one gets hurt and everybody’s premium is paid up.
The bad stuff comes. Accidents happen. Rain falls. Winds blow.
While I get all tied up in knots about how that might profit me, I also remember that since I can say nothing about where and when it will happen, I can work hard to see that my work makes a difference in somebody else’s adversity.
In the midst of the conflict that arises from how I earn a living, the words of Micah help me sort it. For a claims adjuster who wants to sleep at night, they’re really pretty good words.
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)
::
Somewhere along the line, we all face that inner conflict of some sort in our work, whether on the job or in our families. Maybe you’re cooler than me, and you don’t wish for bad stuff to happen. But what do you do to reconcile your work and your heart when they don’t get along?
I roll this one around over and over again as I consider my journalism career.
Tragedy = Page One Story = Kudos from the Bosses = A Nice Bonus at the End of the Year.
So, yes, I know what you mean. You have the right kind of outlook on it, though, Lyla. I’ll never forget how you’ve walked alongside us when the “bad stuff” has happened. Jesus guarantees that in this world we will have trouble, but he furthermore guarantees: “But I have overcome the world.”
When the bad stuff happens, I’d like to have a Lyla-type beside me. (I know, because I’ve had you there.)
Related note: Right before I read this post, I received an email from a friend with a prayer request for someone who needs a liver transplant. He wrote this: “It’s hard to pray for the next step — knowing that someone has to die for her prayer to be realized.” … I think that fits what you’re talking about here, too.
2010/05/25 at 9:54 PM
Journalists get year end bonuses? Who knew?
Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. As much as we might want that, it can be pretty heart rending sometimes to look beyond it and see what it must mean. Yet, again, we step into the storm’s wake, we don’t cause it. I don’t know. I don’t always have clear-sight days, and getting this only comes in little pieces sometimes.
Might I add that I think the Lees have now done their part for the next few years in keeping adjusters in business. You can take a break.
Honestly, having the opportunity to help walk someone through the hard process is strong medicine for me in counteracting the ills of gaining from another’s loss.
2010/05/25 at 10:09 PM
My husband has drafted several divorce petitions even though we’re both strongly for the sanctity of the family. He hates it, but it’s part of his job, to do what the boss says. Talk about conflicted heart–he and I both feel it because his emotions shine through at the end of the day. It doesn’t feel good, and we’re happy he doesn’t have to write them often. But when they come…our entire household feels the ache of that couple’s separation. We’ve even prayed before for the couple to reunite, to stop the proceedings.
2010/05/25 at 9:59 PM
Jennifer, I should have included attorneys in my list. I can only imagine the burden the two of you bear, and I’m grateful he has you to share it. Praying for the couple — the advocate truly becomes the advocate in a most profound way, doesn’t he? How gracious of God to bring one of the parties into his office.
2010/05/25 at 10:13 PM
Pete is an attorney. When business at the office is slow, we pray for more work, but more work means more pain. You know. Sometimes, it’s helpful, sometimes it’s just hard. I try to trust when we pray. I’m not good at it. But we need His provision…
2010/05/25 at 10:46 PM
See? I needed to include attorneys…
Sometimes the groaning prayer is really the way to go. Kind of like voting blue in a red state — you can’t be held responsible for the outcome. Maybe letting the Holy Spirit groan and pray is like that. You pray, God works, and the outcome is all his. I’m always one for shirking responsibility…
Anyway, yes. It’s hard. Pain, provision. Why do they have to go together?
2010/05/25 at 10:54 PM
I don’t think newspapers give bonuses anymore ….
Also, add casket salesmen to your list. My brother is one. He often talks about the weirdness of being delighted when the cold and flu season hits. UGH.
2010/05/25 at 11:11 PM
I don’t suppose many newspapers still have the means.
It’s funny, you know. Well, not. But still. I think I would have to wrestle no matter what the job. I did it when in vocational ministry for all kinds of reasons. I found reasons to feel conflicted in working in nonprofit. And even when I worked in retail, selling art and custom framing, I struggled — no worries about loss there, folks were spending their discretionary income on things that made them happy. Still had issues. It follows me, I suppose.
But it reminds me there is no occupation that would be completely sequestered away from all sources of weirdness and internal conflict. My list could get pretty long.
2010/05/25 at 11:18 PM
If you are conflicted in your present occupation/vocation, imagine your internal struggles if you had pursued your original college major in mass communication. I’m sure you don’t need reminding. I find it interesting that your brother and sister also changed their minds about their careers and graduated with degrees in fields different than what they told their freshman adviser. I guess your mom and I failed to instill all three of you a sense of single mindedness (that’s one shortcoming I can live with).
Dad
2010/05/26 at 6:45 PM
I seriously wondered about this and about doctors… if it weren’t for people who get sick how would they make money? but you’re right. you help people when they need you… and that’s how I think you ought to think of it…
amy in peru
2010/05/26 at 8:06 PM
You’re right, Dad, as Jennifer reminds me about journalism. And then there was that whole flirting with a law career too. Good thing I was lazy and slipped out of school with a wholly unmarketable degree, eh? I could join the legions of those who found themselves in insurance careers wondering how that all happened.
Thanks for coming by, Amy. It’s a strange thing to think about, but it’s a thread running through so many different professions.
2010/05/26 at 8:33 PM
Well, I’m in the menatl health field…is it okay to wish for crazy?? (disclaimer: seeking mental health assistance DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE CRAZY!) I guess I’m blessed to be employed by a hospital…they need me for accreditation, but I can still hope everyone is coping ok.
BTW, would you like to guest post for our book club feature this week (my tongue is in my cheek). I’m not sure what in the world I’m going to do with this one. E-gads. I just knew I would run into a very black and white theology conflict. Yuck. Of course, I thought of you immediately. And nancy.
2010/05/26 at 10:19 PM
um…that would be mental health…not menatl.
2010/05/26 at 10:19 PM
Laura, tricky section. I promise I’ll be nice. Really, promise.
Kind of takes you to the place of reading with eyes wide open, sorting and sifting what’s of value and what’s of . . . no value or worse. There’s no point in only ever exposing ourselves to things we already agree with, is there? Take the wheat, let the chaff go to the wind.
2010/05/26 at 10:34 PM
My husband is a chemical engineer, and his mantra is better living through chemicals of course. Five kids to put through university
. Seriously, I think there is a struggle in many careers and/or jobs.
2010/05/28 at 4:45 PM
I agree. Even if it just sits under the surface, I think it applies to an awful lot of occupations. And now we’ll add chemical engineers to the list too.
2010/05/28 at 6:53 PM
I really appreciate your honesty here, Lyla. And you’re right, I think most people struggle with conflict of one type or another in their jobs. I enjoyed reading through the comments here, too — good thoughts, good discussion.
P.S. Can’t wait to read your guest post about Cameron’s book on HCB Monday!
2010/05/29 at 7:31 AM
You make me chuckle, Michelle. Definitely no guest post cued up. I don’t think that any of us would want to take the risk on that one, me writing a post for HCB on Cameron. I’m just trying to be sure I behave well on my own.
2010/05/29 at 11:42 AM