I’m not very good at Christmas
I Christmas-ified my header.
A paltry effort, I know. But it’s something.
I’m not very good at Christmas.
Not sure the reason, but it doesn’t come so easy. Seems for most, Christmas dances in amber glow. For me, the lighting seems more a bluish fluorescent. It can be a little twitchy and sometimes it makes that buzzing sound.
Perhaps my middle name is Ebenezer.
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I watch and read ones who devour the beauty of the season and the wonder of expectation. They seem always afloat in that amber glow, while an out of placeness burrows into my deeper parts.
This year the season unfolds among strangers, between hotel room walls, hunched at a classroom desk. Pixels flicker in place of candles as I seek Advent worship and find no warm-bodied church. I’m arm in arm with avatars on-screen, not brethren in a wooden pew.
I know not even if a tree stands decorated in my home or if color twinkles from my windows.
And nothing spills over with wonder and hope I always meant to attach to December days.
I am away from home, nearly ’til the day is upon us. And so the spotlight drops brighter still on the thing, exposing my lack all the more: I’m not very good at Christmas.
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With the long shadow pushing closer, I consider the urgency of finding the wonder and I spend a few moments wrapped in that fear and love and humility and adoration that rolled together and rushed out of Mary’s lips as the Magnificat.
What better place to seek than in the rejoicing of virgins and angels and shepherds and kings?
And the wonder, it’s all there. The virgin saw it.
Young mind. Pure heart.
She threw slight arms open to receive the burden of bearing mankind’s Redeemer. Yet the burden did not crush her; no, the weight seemed to lift her.
Where I might plead for ground to open and me to slip in, Mary rejoiced that the Mighty One noticed her.
For He had been mindful of the humble state of His servant.
The Mighty One noticed her.
And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers.” (Luke 1:46-56)
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In the midst of all that goes into redeeming generations back to Himself, He saw fit to notice a young girl. A child.
A humble servant.
And notice her He did.
If this is not cause for wonder . . .
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12 Days of Community – Day 1
One thing is clear: morbid introspection does not help me touch the richness of this season. But reaching into community does. So today I kick off my contribution to the High Calling Blogs’ 12 Days of Community — promoting 12 other blogs here in this space.
Of the many gifts I’ve unwrapped since I began to blog, the most surprising has been relationship. (If you knew me in real life, I’d be on your list of the least relational people you’d ever met.) It’s not what I got into this for, and perhaps I even resisted it at the start, but it has been my honor and joy to get to know some wonderful folks out here.
And though most I know only through blog posts and comment boxes and an occasional email or Facebook exchange, one of my regular blog stops belongs to a writer I knew before she started to blog.
Elizabeth writes at Made for Something Greater, and is one of those friends that is close enough sometimes she gets mistaken for family.
Over this past weekend, she and Lane headed to the field in search of her deer while I smiled here in my Texas hotel room: if I can’t be with either one of them, at least my two best friends were together.
Elizabeth writes about what God is teaching her. And the best part is that what He’s teaching, she’s doing. She’s not one to let God talk straight from one ear to the other. She just does it, even when it’s hard.
When you have some time, check her out. (Right now she’s exploring the roots — sometimes surprising — of our Christmas traditions.)
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I love this! What a beautiful piece of writing about Christmas.
Kathie
http://www.chamomilemassage.wordpress.com
2009/12/08 at 10:32 PM
I love the “Christmas-fied” thing. That made me laugh.
And now I shall go see Elizabeth. I hope she’s expecting a visit.
2009/12/09 at 8:55 AM
I noticed your “Christmas-fied” header – nice. I find I am not very good at Christmas either. I’m with L.L. and headed to see Elizabeth. Hope your training is going well as you spend this time away from home.
2009/12/09 at 3:35 PM
Sounds like you’re searching for the true meaning of Christmas. Perhaps, something more…Christ-ified?
2009/12/09 at 4:06 PM
True, no sugar plums.
That dance.
But Christmas.
The moment. The majesty. The miracle.
Dances everytime.
Sweet dreams.
2009/12/09 at 4:31 PM
Lyla:
I think you are being too hard on yourself. I’m your dad and I know better. Maybe you don’t do Christmas well, you just do it different. And that’s ok.
When Christmas rolls around two things help me focus on “The Birth” and its significance. First is the tradition of the four Sundays of Advent and the lighting of the Advent candle each Sunday. It is not a tradition that I grew up with but the Baptist Church we are a part of has included this tradition in its Christmas observance.
Second is the Christmas Eve Service. Again I did not grow up attending a Christmas Eve Service It wasn’t until we were living in South Dakota that we began attending Christmas Eve services at one of the churches in town. Our own church did not have a Christmas Eve Service. Remember the year that we were turned away because there was no room at the inn, er church.
The Christmas Eve service at our church culminates in the dimming of the lights and all attenders holding a lighted candle while singing Silent Night. There is no way you can walk out afterward and not marvel at and be thankful for God’s gift.
Hang in there. You’ll be home in 10 days and “doing Christmas” is a lot easier at home with family.
Dad
The second
2009/12/09 at 10:56 PM
You are Christmas-fied — or Christ-i-fied anyhow.
Ya know why? Because He’s all over you, in you, around you. … Who needs a prelit tree and shiny tinsel when you know the One born in a barn? I’d say that makes you Christmas-fied.
And Lyla? I’m so glad to know you. You’re one of the unexpected gifts of 2009 for me. I remember being on vacation in Florida and getting an email from you — our first contact — shortly after my car accident and my father-in-law’s death early this year. I figured then that you were someone I’d like to spend some time with. Turns out, I was very, very right.
(Traveling mercies.)
2009/12/10 at 12:01 AM
Sounds like it’s time to go home! When I have time getting into the Christmas spirit, the wonder at the miracle, it’s usually because my spirit is weighted down–either with busy-ness or sorrow or undesired change. I think you’ve had all three this year with your grandma and job change.
My prayer is that God will give you just a glimpse of Christ’s birth through His eyes. It may not be found in the tinsel and lights–but in the place you wouldn’t think to look–the manger. Find the treasures of the season–perhaps the Christmas Eve service your dad mentioned.
I am so thankful to have found you this year. It may sound crazy, but I value your blogging friendship more than I ever thought I would. You’ve shown me how to praise Jesus through the hard times, how to live by faith, and how to deal with Samson’s hair.
Blessings.
2009/12/10 at 12:54 AM
I’m glad for the leading that brought me to you.
Your writing is is powerful and tender.
2009/12/10 at 9:37 AM
I don’t know what to say to all of you. I just don’t.
I appreciate you more than you possibly know.
2009/12/10 at 4:15 PM
I love the ideas that your Dad put up-simple things that bring out the wonder of the gift of Jesus….God set down many ceremonies and traditions in the Old Testament cause He knew that it helps us remember and understand things.
You don’t have to be fantastic at all the decorations and things (although I love the Header you have put up and it indicates to me that you ARE good at the ‘stuff’)
If you have some simple but meaningful traditions that you set for yourself (usually drawing on the ones from your family) it makes YOUR Christmas just that…YOUR way of celebrating and remembering and being thankful.
May the Lord make His face to shine apon you and give you His peace this Christmas time
Kathie
http://www.chamomilemassage.wordpress.com
2009/12/10 at 6:21 PM
Kathie, thanks for stopping back. You’re right, the traditions are a wonderful way to embrace the wonder. And yeah, my Dad does a pretty nice job.
2009/12/10 at 8:02 PM
I think you header is absolutely amber-glow.
Christmas is like a river for me too. The joy ebbs and flows. But the joy of God-With-Us is everlasting. When I dwell here, my heart leaps.
Oh, Lyla. I will be thinking of you among those strangers. No strangers here. YOu are very dear.
2009/12/10 at 9:00 PM
Hello from Romania ,
please read the blog – My heart His words – at Humbled and convicted , my friend Tammy Nischan wrote them the story and some pictures of some poors what we try to help them for Christmas .Our LORD will be so proud of us if we will do something!
I love you blog,
sweet blessings and MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Violeta
2009/12/11 at 6:39 PM